Accepting Feedback
Beware of the Stories the Ego Tells
Have you ever been told by a team member, "I am not going to have time to work on that assignment today" or heard from a client that they weren't happy with the deliverable? How did you respond? With frustration? Sometimes, yes. With defensiveness? Sometimes, yes. With empathy? Really? Good for you!
What's the difference, why is it that sometimes we can handle the critics and bad news with grace and ease and sometimes we can't? Well, there are many things that influence our state of mind in any given day, but there is one constant that impacts our perception of the world and how we handle information coming in…the EGO.
I remember telling a colleague once, "I don't have an ego." Really? You sure, that wasn't just your ego talking? Yes. It most definitely was my ego talking because what followed that statement was even more egotistical. I proceeded to explain that the great idea our coworker shared had started with ME, but I was just “so glad we could move forward. It didn’t matter whose idea it was.” Hmmm….it appears my ego felt it mattered a LOT, certainly enough to point it out.
While I am not proud of that memory, I can see that there is no shame in it either. We all have an ego. How we choose to respond to the ego impacts our interaction with others and how we take in the world around us.
I challenge you, and myself, to get acquainted with the ego. Watch for it, observe it, name it. I call mine Franny. She is fearful, risk adverse and ALWAYS wanting to protect me from any bad news or bad feelings. She is defensive and strong willed but doesn't intend to do harm. Naming her has helped me to see and acknowledge my ego, let it pass and then respond.
Another way of looking at it is to consider the story you are telling yourself at any given moment. When someone says to you, "I don't like the design you delivered, it needs work." What did your ego hear? Did it tell you a story about how you and your team aren't good enough? Well, acknowledge it, call it out." I hear ya Franny, please sit down. I need to get accurate information now so I can act from there.” Which is exactly the point, we want to take action from facts not fiction. Our ego is telling us a fictional story. We need to get the facts straight so we can take that information back to the team and correct. The team will not benefit from your ego story. The client will not benefit from your ego story. You will not benefit from your ego story so acknowledge it and let it pass; no shame, no judgement, just release it.
It is from this place, that you can dig in to get the information you need to deliver for your team and your client and ultimately for yourself, which your ego will love.